This is the day when politicians and amateur commentators talk more doggybollox than on any other day of the year

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Neither actually. It’s a bizarre hybrid, an altered hallucinogenic universe. Where up is down and down is up. Everything always slightly out of reach.

A world otherwise known as ‘the day after the budget’. A day when politicians and amateur commentators are guaranteed to talk more doggybollox than on any other day of the year. A day when everyone gets their 15 minutes of shame.

As L’Atalante is re-released, we count down the best movies set largely on ships, boats, barges, yachts, steamers and trimarans. Submarines banned, as they’re under water

Stephen Sommers’ sci-fi horror pulp follows a bunch of scene-stealing character actors playing mercenaries hired to destroy the cruise ship Argonautica for insurance purposes. But a giant mutant octopus has got there first! Among the potential cephalopod fodder are Treat Williams, Kevin J O’Connor, and Famke Janssen as a jewel thief.

Arsenal rout Bayern to stake a claim as Europe’s best, Liverpool spiral again, Benfica revive under Mourinho, and Estevão dazzles on a crowded week of stars

• Bayern Munich’s unbeaten run and claim to be the best team in European football were both punctured at the Emirates. Arsenalwere rampant against an opponent who have handed them so much pain in the past. The Gunners opened the scoring through their habitual set-piece goal, Jurriën Timber fulfilling the role of the absent Gabriel Magalhães. Lennart Karl, the 17-year-old, showed off his chops with a fine goal; from within Bayern have found the player they desired when they were thwarted in moving for Florian Wirtz. After that, Declan Rice and Eberechi Eze took control in midfield, Noni Madueke and Gabriel Martinelli scoring the goals, the latter a humiliation of Manuel Neuer’s sweeper-keeper stylings. Amid the fug of the extended Champions League group-stage format, where matches between elite clubs are routine rather than novelty, this was still a statement victory. “I think they had an incredible match against, in my opinion, the best team in Europe,” Mikel Arteta said of his players. That status surely now lies with his team: Arsenal top the group-stage table with a 100% record.

Now a hugely popular photographic genre, many women pay thousands to have intimate portraits taken of themselves by a professional. What do they get out of it?

A few hours into Brittany Witt’s boudoir shoot, with the mimosas kicking in and the music going strong, the photographer asked: “How do we feel about some completely nude photos?” Witt was lying on the bed in lingerie, in a studio in Texas, and hadn’t considered nudity an option. “I was like: ‘OK, we’re on this trust path.’” She undressed. The photographer, JoAnna Moore, covered Witt with body oil and squirted her with water, then asked her “to crawl across the floor with my full trust,” Witt says. “I did so. The pose was nude, and it was completely open. I wasn’t covered with a sheet. It was all out, it was all open, and it brought that worst level of self-doubt. I was terrified.”

Witt, 33, has come to see that terror as an important part of her experience. She used to be a competitive weightlifter. “I had a very masculine aura. I showed up in strength,” she says. At school and work – in the construction side of the oil and gas industry – she was “type A – scheduler, planner, had everything together, kind of led the group”. A turbulent home life when she was growing up led her to develop robust protection mechanisms which, in adulthood, acted as a block to relationships – issues she had been addressing with a life coach. But in that moment, on all-fours in Moore’s studio: “I felt those protections stripped away. There was nothing to hide behind, literally, figuratively.”

Twenty years after the first face transplant, patients are dying, data is missing, and the experimental procedure’s future hangs in the balance

In the early hours of 28 May 2005, Isabelle Dinoire woke up in a pool of blood. After fighting with her family the night before, she turned to alcohol and sleeping tablets “to forget”, she later said.

Reaching for a cigarette out of habit, she realized she couldn’t hold it between her lips. She understood something was wrong.

In the two years since the system was launched, beverage-packaging collection and recycling has risen to 94%

In the Transylvanian village of Pianu de Jos, 51-year-old Dana Chitucescu gathers a sack of empty polyethylene terephthalate (PET) bottles, aluminium cans and glass every week and takes it to her local shop.

Like millions of Romanians across cities and rural areas, Chitucescu has woven the country’s two-year-old deposit return system (DRS) into her routine.

PM says: ‘We kept to our manifesto in terms of what we’ve promised. But I accept the challenge that we’ve asked everybody to contribute’

• Ask the Guardian your budget questions

• Share your views on the new ‘mansion tax’

• Budget calculator: find out if you are better or worse off

The Conservative party is attacking the budget on the grounds that Rachel Reeves is putting up taxes supposedly to fund more spending on benefit claimants. Even though the rationale for this claim is questionable, the Tories were making it before the budget was announced, and Kemi Badenoch firmed it up last night, claiming it was a “Benefits Street budget”.

On LBC this morning, asked if the budget meant “alarm clock Britain paying for Benefits Street”, Reeves said she did not accept that. She said 60% of the families that would benefit from the removal of the two-child benefit cap (the most expensive welfare announcement in the budget) were in work.

I don’t think children should be punished by this pernicious policy any longer. And the cost to society of this is huge, the cost for councils of temporary accommodation, when people can no longer afford the rent, putting families in B&Bs, kids having to move to school all the time because parents have moved from B&B to another lot of temporary accommodation, and there’s costs for years to come, because all the evidence shows that kids that are growing up poor are less likely to get into work and more reliant on the welfare state in the future for them.

So this is a good investment in those kids, to give them the chances that I want for my kids, and everyone wants for their kids. It also saves money for taxpayers on that accommodation, on those additional health costs, and ensuring that those kids grow up to be productive adults.

Experts lay out scale of changes needed in ‘first-of-its-kind national emergency briefing’ in Westminster

A host of eminent scientists have warned politicians, business and community leaders that the UK risks severe climate-related risks to its economy, public health, food systems and national security.

According to its organisers more than 1,000 corporate bosses, senior civil servants and civic leaders were set to assemble in the Methodist central hall in Westminster for the “first-of-its-kind national emergency briefing” on Thursday morning.

Equality Trust study shows how House of Lords appointments, big donations and media ownership affect political decisions

• UK politics live – latest updates

Structural corruption and the rise of “conduits for unelected power” are reshaping British politics, according to a stark report from the Equality Trust.

Unelected influence has increased over the past two decades, the report claims, driven by the growing political clout of the ultra-rich and the institutions that enable it.

Three men arrested as 26 rescue teams on site at Wang Fuk Court residential apartment complex in Tai Po district

• A visual guide to the fire

The death toll has risen again to 44, fire officials say.

Officials said they are still having difficulties proceeding into the upper floors in some of the buildings in the residential complex as the fire continues.